SIMON, a new Employment Lawyer, started this week. Very different from HOWARD, he breezed around the office making friends and engaging everyone in warm introductions. He’s straight out of university and I wondered what he’d make of the office junior’s legal action against HOWARD, coupled with the fact that he was bound to overhear some of HOWARD’S negative banter as he sits quite close to his desk. HOWARD got around the problem by putting words in his mouth.
“Eva, Simon says I should ask if it bothers you that us men think about sex 50 times a day, but you’ve obviously never crossed our minds once?
“Simon says that he’s sure he recognises you from the TV. He’s seen you skulking in the background of that programme Booze Britain, preying on vulnerable drunk men and using them for sex.”
“Eva, I told SIMON you spend your evenings alone in a bed-sit, worrying about rape, but he says it’s more likely you lie there with the door on the latch and your fingers crossed.”
Apparently, SIMON has warned HOWARD about using my name. SIMON says naming secretaries is like naming Christmas turkeys. You don’t want to get attached to them by giving the bloody things names. HOWARD has taken his point, from now on I’m nothing more than a mass of cells that type for him.
When SIMON suggested he should be friendly, more encouraging, HOWARD agreed he would try and that there was no time like the present.
“SIMON says I should be more encouraging, so here goes. Eva, I think you should work a bit faster - you lazy fucking bitch.”
He turned to his new colleague.
SIMON laughed and shook his head in faux despair.
As I put files away, ignoring HOWARD’S jokes, our new recruit asked me if I mind HOWARD’S laughing at me.
“Actually,” HOWARD told him, “I’m a law whore and she’s just another client. You think I’m going to look back and remember the names of these girls? Say, Eva, you know that street near here where the prostitutes hang out? Next time you’re walking along and a car pulls up alongside one of them you might think about jumping in too. Then when the guy pulls his wallet out you can make his day by saying, “I won’t hear of it – this one’s on me!”
I looked at the fledgling Employment Lawyer and hoped he’d learn sooner rather than later that when SIMON says nothing - people like HOWARD will do all the talking for them.
See you soon
- Bullied By The Boss
- Welcome to my blog. My pen name is Eva James. I'm an aspiring writer paying the bills working as a legal secretary. Relentlessly bullied by my former boss, I looked for another job but the recession hit. Feeling trapped, I recorded everything in this blog, which serves as a revealing insight into workplace bullying. WEEK 1 starts the story and, as the weeks progress, you'll note what starts as banter soon spirals out of control. Sadly, it's all true. Whilst along the way I've found alternative employment, my passion for blogging about workplace bullying remains. Trevor Griffiths, legendary theatre, TV and film writer said at the outset, "I like the writing a lot: smart, cool, placed. If you were prepared/able to take your prick of a boss on, you'd marmelise him."